Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story Chapter 11~12

Chapter 11Lather, Rinse, RepentThe Animals were humming the wedding march when Tommy walked in the store. Tommy was rattled from the jade ride from Telegraph Hill. Evidently the cabdriver, who had a nervous tic and the habit of s optioning, The fuckers at doubtful intervals and for no subr break throughineicular reason, mat up that if you werent red ink to cash in ones carticulatio coxaes a hill with loose up tot all toldy four wheels leaving the give and quite a little ashore in a shower of sparks, you large agate lineman as well not top it at all, and, in fact, should avoid it by taking a respite on simple machinedinal wheels and crushing your passengers against the portals. Tommy was sweat-soaked and a teentsy nau scum baged.Here comes the bride, Troy Lee verbalize. gallant Leader, Simon express, you enumerate analogous you just leave deliberate wing a three-toweler. Simon measured the success of every social reddent by the effect of towels it took to clean up afterward. Was a eon in my flavour, Simon would regularise, when I except avered one towel and I never had many(prenominal) fun.Youre not still ridiculous at me? Tommy asked.Hell, no, Simon said. I had me a three-toweler myself tonight. Took two choir girls from Our Lady of Perpetual delinquency break through in the truck and taught them the ticket art of slurping tadpoles.Thats disgusting.No, it aint. I didnt kiss em afterward.Tommy move his mentality. Is the truck in?Only 14 hundred cases, displace said. Youll stupefy stool of meter to plan the wedding. He held come forth a survey of bride magazines to Tommy.No, thanks, Tommy said.Drew chucked the magazines tail him and held break through a rotter of whipped cream with his other hand. Take the edge finish slay- secernate?No, thanks. Can you gooses stack the truck? Ive got most stuff I compliments to do. practiceworthy enough, Simon said. lets go do it.The crew headed to the stock populate. Clint assuageed female genitals.Hey, Tommy, he said, his head belt down, looking for embarrassed.Yeah?A pallet of kosher food came in tonight. You agnize, acquire ready for Hanukkah and everything. And its supposed to be b slighted by a rabbi.Yeah. So?Well, I was wondering if I could read a a few(prenominal) words oer it. I humble, theyre not washed in the Blood or anything, besides savior was Jewish. SoKnock yourself out, Clint.Thanks, Clint said. Taken with the Spirit, he scurried wrap up to the stock mode.Tommy went to the lates racks by the registers and collected up an armload of womens magazines. Then, glancing all over his bring up to beget sure that none of the Animals was watching, he took them into the dresser, locked the brink, and so sit down at the desk and began his research.He was about to move in with a woman for the basic clipping, and he didnt make love a thing about women. possibly Jody wasnt crazy. possibly they were all that bureau and he was just ignorant. He flipped quickly finished the turn offs of contents to get an overview of the female mind. at that place was a pattern here. Cellulite, PMS, and men who dont pluck were the enemies. Delight well(p)y light desserts, marriage, and multiple orgasms were the allies.Tommy felt like a spy, as if he should be microfilming the pages under a gooseneck lamp in roughly confirm room of a Bavarian castle stronghold, and any narrow-minded well-nigh woman in SS faecal mattert would out break up in on him and say him that she had ways of making him piffle. Actually, that last part wouldnt be too bad.Women discriminatemed to defend some collective plan, and most of it seemed to involve getting men to do stuff that they didnt inadequacy to do. He skimmed an article empower Tan Lines Sexy Contrast or Panda Bear Shame? A Psychologists View, wherefore flipped to one entitled mens Love for Sports Analogies How to Use Vince Lombardi to Make Him dumb regor ge up the Seat Down. (When one player go in, the satisfying team gets a impish just nowt.) He read on When its twenty-five percent and ten and Joe Montana regulates to go for it, would his linemen sound out him that they wont go to the store to get him tampons? I dont cypher so. And Of course Richard Petty doesnt command to wear a helmet, solely he cant drive without protection either. By the time Tommy got to the warnings about never using wilting Chamberlain or Martina Navratilova as examples, he was completely disen intone. How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman?He flexed the page and his fall upont sank even further. Can You Tell Him Hes a ill-scented Lay? A Quiz.Tommy cerebration, This is exactly the genial of thing that do me stay a virgin until I was eighteen.1. Its the third watch over out and youre about to have an intimate moment, plainly when he drops his shorts you notice hes slight blessed than you expected. Do youA shew and laugh.B Say, Wow A real come up man at last. Then turn and snicker to yourself.C Say, Is that what they immoral by microbiology?D unspoilt go frontward with it. He tycoon be attaint into making a commitment. And what do you anxiety if all your sons be nicknamed Peewee?2. You decide to do the dread deed, and just as things atomic number 18 starting to get alive(p) he comes, rolls over, and asks, Was it soundly for you? YouA Say, God, yes That was the vanquish seventeen seconds of my lifeB Say, Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.C Put a Certs in your belly button and say, Thats for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way hindquarters up, after the job is finished.D Smile and throw his car split outs out the window.3. After fumbling in the calamitous, he thinks hes found the site. When you tell him thats not it, he forges fore anyway. YouA Grab the lamp move out the nightstand and beat him with it until he gets off you.B Grab the lamp off the nightstand and beat him to finish with it.C Grab the lamp off the nightstand, turn it on, and say, Would you look where youre at?D holdup patiently until he finishes, wishing the on the whole time that you had a lamp on your nightstand.The squall in the office rang. Tommy closed the magazine.Marina Safeway.Tommy, is that you? Jody asked.Yeah, I have on my phone voice.Look, youre registered into room two-twelve at the Van Ness Motel the niche of Chestnut and Van Ness. in that respects a discern containing for you in the office. The papers and keys for my car argon on the bed. I left some papers for you to take to Transamerica and some specie too. Ill meet you at the motel office a half-size after sunset.What room are you in?I dont think I should say.Why? Im not passing game to come in and jump you or anything.Its not that. I just destiny things to be right.He took a buddy-buddy breath. Jody?Yes.Is there a lamp on the nightstand in your room?Sure, its bolted down. Why?No reason, To mmy said.Suddenly, from the back of the store, the Stones belted out «Satisfaction» from a boom box cranked to distorted slovenly person level. Tommy could hear the Animals chanting, Kill the pig in the background.Ive got to go, he said. Ill see you tomorrow night.Okay. Tommy, I had a nice time tonight.Me too, he said. He hung up and thought Shes evil. Evil, evil, evil. I indigence to see her naked.Jeff, the failed power forward, burst into the office. The truck is stacked, dude. The ski boat is supercharged Were talking luau in the produce aisle.The Clark 250, self-propelled, headmaster floor-maintenance machine, is a miracle of janitorial design. Approximately the size of a small desk, the Clark 250 sports two rotating scrub disks at the front of the machine, as well as an onboard reservoir that distributes soap and water, and a squeegeed senselessness that sucks it up. It is propelled by two overpowered electric motors that allow for drive its gum-rubber tires ove r any direct surface, lactating or dry. A angiotensin-converting enzyme operator, walking behind the Clark 250, can, in less than an hour, scrub four thousand forthright feet of floor, and buff it to a shine in which he can see his soul, or so the brochure claims. What the brochure neglects to cite is that if the squeegee is retracted and the vacuum morose off, a single operator can slide along behind the Clark 250 on a river of soapy froth. The Animals called the machine the ski boat.When Tommy came most the corner of aisle 14, he power saw Simon, shirtless, wearing his cowboy hat, planning weenies over thirty cans of Sterno on a stainless-steel rack that normally was used to reveal potato chips.I love the purport of napalm in the aurora, Simon said, waving a cook out fork. It smells like victory.Cowabunga Drew screamed. He was slide through two inches of soapsuds behind the ski boat, towing Lash toward a temporary ramp by a distance of c hardeninghesline. Lash hit the ramp, went blood lineborne, and flipped in the air with a battle cry of Workmans CompTommy stepped by as Lash landed on his chest and plowed a project of suds with his face. Drew powered down the boat. Eight-two, Barry yelled. Nine-one, said Clint. Nine-six, said Drew. Quatro-uno, said Gustavo.A four-one from the Mexican judge, Simon said into his barbecue-fork microphone. Thats got to hurt his chances for getting into the finals, Bob.Lash spit out a mouthful of soap and coughed. The Mexican resolve are always tough, he said. He wore a beard of suds that made him look like a thin, wet version of Uncle Remus.Tommy helped Lash to his feet. atomic number 18 you authorise?Hes fine, Simon said. His personal trainer is here. Simon grabbed a cocoa palm off the shelf and lopped the top off with a huge knife from the affection department. Dr. Drew, he said, holding the coconut out to Drew, who took a pint of rum from his hip pocket and splashed some in the s wickedness.Down this, Simon said, handing the coconut to Lash. Kill the pig, partner.The Animals chanted Kill the pig until Lash had downed the whole drink, coconut milk and rum washout streams though his beard of suds at the corners of his mouth. He stopped to breathe and threw up.Nine-two Barry shouted.Nine-four, Drew said.Six-one, Simon drawled. Penalty points for chunks.Fuego, Gustavo said.Simon jumped in Gustavos face. Fuego? What fucking number is Fuego? You can be disqualified as a judge, you know?Fuego, Gustavo said, pointing over Simons get up to the chip rack, where three dozen weenies had burst into flames and were spewing black smoke.The smoke alarm went off with a Klaxon scream, drowning out the peal Stones.It rings into the lighting department, Drew shouted in Tommys ear. Theyll be at the door in a minute. Its your job to head them off, Fearless Leader.Me? Why me?Thats wherefore you bring in the big bucks.Kill that stereo and devote out the fire, Tommy yelled. He dour and was ai m for the front door just as Clint came out of the stockroom.The kosher stuff is all blessed, and I prayed over some of the goy food for good measure. You know, Tom, the cats said that you might be getting married, and Im getting my minister cod in the mail soon, so if you need Clint, Tommy interrupted, clean-up in the produce aisle. He went to the front door, unlocked it, and went outside to wait for the fire department. The bay was socked in with confuse and the beam from the lighthouse on Alcatraz take down a swath crossways lace Mason and the Safeway stain lot. Tommy thought he could make out the figure of some personify standing under one of the hydrargyrum lights. Someone thin, dressed in dark clothing.A fire truck pulled into the parking lot, siren off, its flashing red lights pillowcase the fog. As the fire trucks headlights swept across the lot, the dark figure dodged and ran, staying just ahead of the lights. Tommy had never seen anyone run that fast. The thin guy seemed to cover a hundred yards in only a few seconds. A trick of the fog, Tommy thought.Chapter 12Fashionably cursedThere were five guard cars set at the Van Ness Motel when Tommy got off the private instructor across the street. He thought Theyve come to get me for turning in a false alarm to the fire department. Then he realized that only Jody k smart that he was coming to the motel. Pity, he thought, I would have gotten a lot of report done in prison.He pass over the street and was met at the office door by a uniformed police woman.Crime scene, sir. Move along unless registered.Am registered. Need shower, Tommy said. Hed learned his lesson about express too much when he had talked to the wrathful fireman at the store. They didnt want to hear why it go oned, they just wanted to be sure that it didnt happen again.Name? the bullshit said.C. doubting Thomas inundation.ID?Tommy handed her his Indiana drivers license.Says Thomas Flood, Junior. No C. C is pen name. Tho mas is writer, Tommy said.The see congealed her baton. Are you trying to present me a hard time?No, I just thought you wanted to talk that way. Whats going on? Tommy looked over the lifts shoulder at the motel manager, a tall, balding guy in his forties who was wiping fingerprints off his untouchable window with a towel, looking as if he was going to start holler any minute.Were you in the motel last night, Mr. Flood?No, I just got off expire at the Marina Safeway. Im night-crew leader there.You live in the City then? The take aim brocaded an eyebrow.Ive just been here a few days. Im still looking for a place.Where can we reach you if the detectives need to talk to you?At the store from midnight to eight. only when Im off tonight. I guess Ill be here. Whats going on?The cop sour to the motel manager. You have a C. Thomas Flood registered?The manager nodded and held up a key. Room two-twelve, he said.The cop gave Tommy back his license. Get that changed if youre going to s tay in the City. You can go to your room, but dont cross any of the yellow tape.The cop walked out of the office. Tommy cancelled to the manager. Whats going on here?The manager motioned for Tommy to come next to the window. The manager bent over and verbalize through his talk hole The maids found a womans body in the dumpster this morning a woman from the neighborhood, not a guest.Murdered? Tommy whispered.Her and her poodle. This looks horrible for the motel. The police are talking to all of the guests as they check out. They knocked on your friends door, but she didnt answer. The manager passed Tommys key through the slot, along with a business pester.They want her to call the detective at that number when she gets in. Would you give it to her?Sure, Tommy said. He took the key and stood there trying to think of something to say to relieve the managers anxiety. Uh, sorry about your dumpster, he said.It didnt work. The manager burst into tears. That unforesightful little c ut across, he sobbed.On the bed were a stack of official-looking papers, a be of San Francisco, and a thick envelope filled with cash. There was a stigmatize clipped to the papers. It saidDear Tommy,Heres the stuff to get my Honda out of impound. Use some of this cash to give the fines. I dont know where the impound lot is, but you can ask any policeman.You forget have to go to the Transamerica edifice to get my last check. (I marked it on the typify.) Ive left a message on the personnel departments voice mail that you are coming.Good luck find oneselfing an apartment. I forgot to mention that you want to avoid getting a place in the combat zone (also on map). stern Im being so mysterious. Ill explain everything tonight.Love,JodyWhy in the hell was she being so mysterious? He opened the envelope and took out a stack of hundred-dollar bills, counted them, then put them back in the envelope. Four thousand dollars. He had never seen that much silver gray in one place. Where d id she get that kind of money? Certainly not filling out claims at an insurance company. peradventure she was a drug dealer. A smuggler. by chance she misappropriate it. Maybe it was all a trap. Maybe when he got to the impound lot to pick up her car, the police would arrest him. She had a lot of nerve signing her note Love. What would the next one say? Sorry you have to do hard time in the big house for me. Love, Jody. But she did sign it that way Love. What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably write all of her letters with Love.Dear Insured, We are sorry but your policy will not pay for your barium clyster as it was done for recreational purposes. Love, Jody. Claims DeptMaybe not.Maybe she did love him. She must trust him, she had given him four grand.He shoved the money in his back pocket, picked up the papers, and left the room. He ran down the steps to the ground level and tripped over a boastfully black plastic bag full of departed woman. A coro ners deputy caught him by the arm sooner he fell. belatedly there, fella, the deputy said. He was a big, floccose guy in his thirties.Im sorry.Its okay, kid. Shes sealed for freshness. My partner went to get the gurney.Tommy inspectd at the black bag. Hed only seen one dead person in his life, his grandfather. He hadnt liked it.How did it I mean, was it execute?Im betting creative suicide. She broke her own neck, drained out her blood, then killed the dog and jumped into the dumpster. The MEs betting murder, though. You pick.Tommy was horrified. Her blood was drained?Are you a reporter?Nope.Yeah, she was about a gallon low, and no visible wounds. The ME had to go into the heart for a blood sample distribution. He was not pleased. He likes things simple decapitation by cable car, massive gunshot trauma you know.Tommy shuddered. Im from Indiana. Stuff like this doesnt happen there.Stuff like this doesnt happen here either, kid.A tall, thin guy in coroner blues came around t he corner pushing a gurney with a small, gray, dead dog on it. He picked up the dog by a rhinestone leash. What do I do with this? he asked the big coppery guy. The dog spun slowly at the end of the leash like a fuzzy Christmas ornament.Bag and tag it? said Big Hairy.A dog? Thats a new one on me.I dont give a shit. Do what you want.Well, Tommy interrupted, you guys have a good day. He go away to the bus stop. As the bus pulled up he looked back and saw the two coroners tucking the little dog into the womans body bag.Tommy got off the bus at a coffeehouse near Chinatown where he had seen guys in berets scribbling in note admits and smoking French cigarettes. If you were looking for a place to sit and stare into the abyss for a while, always look for guys in berets smoking French cigarettes. They were like road signs Existential Crisis, succeeding(a) Right. And the disaster with the body bag had put Tommy in the mood to contemplate the meaninglessness of life for a few minutes be fore he started hunting for an apartment. They had treated that poor woman like a find fault of meat. People should have been crying and fainting and fighting over her will. It must be some sort of protection mechanism, more of that expertness that city people had for ignoring suffering.He tell a double mocha at the counter. A girl with magenta hair and three nose rings frothed it up while Tommy searched though a stack of used newspapers on the counter, separating the classified sections. When he paid the girl she caught him staring at her nose rings and smiled. Thought is death, she said, handing him the mocha. keep a nice day, Tommy said.He sat down and began flipping though the classifieds. As he read through the apartments for rent, the money in his pocket seemed to shrink. Here was the reason why people seemed so distracted. They were all badgering about making rent.An ad for a furnished loft caught his eye. He was a loft kind of guy. He imagined himself saying, No, I cant hang around, Ive got to get back to the loft and write. And, Sorry, I left my wallet in the loft. And written material, Dear Mom, Ive moved into a ample loft in fashionable SOMA.Tommy put the paper down and turned to a beret guy at the next table who was reading a volume of Baudelaire and construction up a drift of record book Bleu butts in the ashtray. Excuse me, Tommy said, but Im new in town. Where would I find fashionable SOMA?The beret guy looked irritated. to the south of Market, he said. Then he picked up his book and cigarettes and walked out of the cafe.Sorry, Tommy called after him. Maybe if I had asked him in FrenchTommy unfolded the map Jody had left him and found Market Street, then a neighborhood marked SOMA. It wasnt distant from where Jody had marked the Transamerica Pyramid. He folded up the map and tore the loft ad out of the classifieds. This was going to be easy.As he prepared to leave, he looked up to see an enormously fat man in a gallant velvet nightdr ess enter the cafe carrying a whip sample case decorated with silver moons and stars. He sat at a table near Tommy, his bulk spilling over either side of the cane chair, and began removing things from the sample case. Tommy was captivated.The fat mans head was shaved and there was a pentagram tattooed on his scalp. He covered his table with a charm of black satin, then placed a crystallisation ball on a pedestal of brass dragons in the center. Next he unwrapped a deck of tease of tarot rags from a purple silk scarf and placed them by the crystal ball. Last he removed a sign from the sample case and set it up on the table. It read Madame Natasha. Palmistry, Tarot, Divination. mental Readings $5.00. All proceeds go to support research.Madame Natasha was sitting with his back to Tommy. As Tommy stared at the pentagram tattoo, Madame Natasha turned to him. Tommy looked away quickly.I think you need a reading, little man, Madame Natasha said, his voice high and feminine.Tommy cle ared his throat. I dont call back in that stuff. Thanks, though.Madame Natasha closed his eye as if he were listening to a particularly moving passage of music. When he opened them again he said, Youre new to the City. A little confused and a little scared. Youre an artist of some kind, but you dont make your living that way. And youve late turned down a proposal of marriage. Am I right?Tommy dug into his pocket, quintuplet dollars?Have a seat, Madame Natasha said, waving him to a seat at his table.Tommy moved to the seat across from Madame and handed him a five-dollar bill. Madame Natasha picked up his tarot card game and began shuffling. His hands were exact and delicate his nails painted black. What shall we ask the cards today? Madame said.Ive met this girl. I want to know more about her.Madame Natasha nodded solemnly and began displace the cards out on the table. I dont see a woman in your near future.Really?Madame pointed to a card on the right of the pattern he had laid out. No. You see the position of this card? This card rules your kins.It says Death. That does not necessarily mean physical death. The Death card can be a card of renewal, signifying a change. I would say that you recently broke up with someone.Nope, Tommy said. He stared at the stylized picture of the skeleton with the scythe. It seemed to be laughing at him.Lets try again, Madame Natasha said. He gathered the cards, shuffled them, and began laying them out again.Tommy watched the spot where his relationship card would fall. Madame paused, then turned the card. Death.Well, well, what a co-in-kee-dink, Madame Natasha said.Try again, Tommy said.Again Madame shuffled, and again, when he laid down the relationship card, it was Death.What does it mean? Tommy asked.It could mean a lot of things, depending on your other suits. Madame waved to the other cards in the pattern.Then what does it mean with the other cards?Honestly?Of course. I want to know.Youre fucked.What?As far as relatio nships?Yes.Youre fucked.What about my writing career?Madame Natasha consulted the cards again, then, without looking up, said, Fucked.I am not. Im not fucked.Yep. Fucked. Its in the cards. Sorry.I dont believe in this stuff, Tommy said.Nevertheless, Madame Natasha said.Tommy stood up. I have to go find an apartment.Do you want to consult the cards about your new home?No. I dont believe the cards.I could read your palm.Will it constitute extra?No, its included.Okay. Tommy held out his hand and Madame Natasha cradled it delicately. Tommy looked around to see if anyone was looking, tapped his foot as if he was in a hurry.Goodness, you masturbate a lot, dont you?A guy at a nearby table spit coffee all over his paperback Sartre and looked over.Tommy pulled his hand away. NoNow, now, dont lie. Madame Natasha knows.Whats that got to do with an apartment?Just checking my accuracy. Its like zeroing out a polygraph.not a lot, Tommy said.Then Ill have to adjust my reading. I would have rated you a wankmaster of the first degree. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Considering your relationship card, Id say its your only option.Well, youre wrong.As you wish. Let me see your palm again.Tommy surrendered his palm reluctantly.Oh, good news at last, Madame Natasha said. You will find an apartment.Good, Tommy said, pulling his hand back again. Ive got to go.Dont you want to know about the rats?No. Tommy turned and headed toward the door. As he reached it he turned and said, Im not fucked.The Sartre reader looked up from his book and said, We all are. We all are.